What is Everywhere at the End of Time?
There’s a silent fear we all share, even if we rarely think about it: the idea of forgetting who we are. Losing the faces we love, the moments that built us, and getting caught up in a confusion that has no beginning or end. Everywhere, at The End Of Time, makes us feel this fear through music. This project made by James Leyland Kirby under the pseudonym of The Caretaker consists of 6 disks, each representing a different stage of dementia. The songs in each disc consist of classic jazz music from the 1930s, this music is distorted and modified specially to give you a sense of dread and sadness. Each disk has a lot of symbolism, from the songs, to the titles, to the descriptions of the albums, even the album covers have meaning. The songs also get progressively longer, from one to four minutes in the first three disks. And twenty to twenty-three minutes in the last three. This project reflects perfectly what a patient of dementia feels and lives each day and how he fights against the illness. The album covers are oil paintings made by Ivan Seal, a great friend of The Caretaker. The paintings are made in an abstract and minimalist style. Both The Caretaker and a lot of critics believe that the paintings play a very important part to fully understand the project.
James Leyland Kirby quit using the pseudonym of The Caretaker right after finishing the project. The reasons that lead to this decision are unknown. But lots of people believe that James Leyland Kirby did it to represent the character of The Caretaker. He was the real protagonist of the story and when the project ended, it meant that the character died alongside it.
From left to right. James Leyland Kirby, the composer of Everywhere at the End of Time. Ivan Seal, the painter of the album covers.
Stage 1: The beginning of the nightmare
The first disc is called Stage 1. This album, in the words of the author, aims to represent the beginnings of dementia. In these beginnings, you start to lose some memory and cognitive abilities, but the damage is small. In this state, the patient’s mind begins to deteriorate, but the patient does not realize it. This can be seen since, in the songs on this album, the music is heard well although a little distorted and with a faint white noise in the background. As the songs go by, the distortion becomes more and more noticeable. The cover of the album is a painting in which an object similar to a set of pages appears. They are rolled up and look like they are worn and old. This can symbolize the mind of the patient starting to degrade. The pages symbolizing the memories can be seen well. Yet, they start to disappear and get tangled with each other.
This album begins with the song “It’s Just a Burning Memory”. This song is slow with a melancholic tone. It can be heard clearly although distortions are beginning to be noticed. The title of the song: It’s Just a Burning Memory, also has its meaning. The title represents a memory that the patient is losing but it seems that he does not care about this memory, thinking that forgetting this memory is something normal, as if it is not connected to anything. The title also refers to a song called Heartaches by Al Bowly, because this song is sampled after Al Bowly’s one. The title is actually one of the lines said in the lyrics of Heartaches in the end of the first verse.
This album ends with the song “My Heart Will Stop in Joy”. The melody of this song is heard clearer and is a little more cheerful than the previous ones. This fact, together with the title, could allude to a moment of lucidity and happiness that the patient suddenly has. This moment of lucidity is a symptom of the disease.
The album cover of Stage 1.
Stage 2: Disbelief and denial
The second album is called Stage 2. This album represents the moment when the patient is diagnosed with dementia and he does not want to accept it. The songs on the album are more distorted and sad than those on the previous album. This is made to represent a moment of anger and sadness that the person has when he knows that he suffers from this disease. The album cover features what appears to be a vase that is punctured, broken, and deteriorated. Inside are four roses that are also withered and deteriorated. Two dancers, a man and a woman, can also be seen dancing in the bottom of the vase. All of this gives us a metaphorical vision of the patient’s mind deteriorating at a rapid pace.
This album begins with the song “A Losing Battle is Raging”. The title can represent an internal battle that the person is having with the disease. A battle that, as the title of the song says, cannot be won. The person is fighting and doing the impossible to be able to hold on to what is left of their mind. The melody of this song is sad and slow. The static noise in the background is very noticeable. The flute that is heard is the only instrument there, directly representing the person, who is alone fighting against the disease, without anyone listening to him.
The last song on the album is called “The Way Ahead Feels Lonely”. This title could allude to the person knowing that at a given moment he will no longer be able to recognize anyone, a lonely and tragic end of which the patient is aware. It could also represent how the patient sees the fear, what is about to come. The melody is very dark, it goes slowly, it seems like a funeral march that slowly advances along a lonely street. This melody represents a state of depression in which the patient is. Not only because of the illness itself, but because he knows that he will forget everything and he does not want to.
The album cover for Stage 2.
Stage 3: The last moments of lucidity and awareness
The third album is called “Stage 3”. This album represents the last coherent memories that the patient has before entering a state of total confusion. Most of the songs on this album are a little more cheerful and with a nostalgic touch, representing the last happy memories that the patient retains. They are slow paced, with even more distortions and delays. The cover of this album looks like a set of flowers or plants tied together in a disorderly and chaotic way, symbolizing the patient’s deteriorated mind. The fact that the flowers are arranged in a chaotic and disorderly way may symbolize that the patient’s thoughts and memories are already very distorted and shattered.
The album begins with “Back There Benjamin”. This title may evoke the memory of someone named Benjamin who was important to the patient. The Back There in the title may mean that Benjamin is already behind because the patient can no longer remember him. Now Benjamin’s name is just a blurry word stuck in his subconscious. The song seems cheerful but also very sad. The delayed trumpets at second 33 that do not sound in accordance with the rhythm of the song, give a strange and uncomfortable feeling. As if there are some things that are not right but you do not know exactly what. The melancholic joy of this song may represent that Benjamin was a person who made the patient happy, perhaps he was a friend or family member. The sad and distorted elements of the song could represent the sadness that Benjamin suffers when he sees that his friend no longer remembers him or knows who he is.
The last song on the album is called “Mournful Camaraderie”. This title can represent all the patient’s friends and family, sad because he doesn’t remember them. Everyone, despite being depressed, tries to stay firm and stand together to support the patient. This song is monotonous and disturbing. The notes and melody don’t change, everything is static. This can represent that the patient has completely lost his memory and no longer remembers anything. Everything has stopped inside his mind. Everything is distant, just like the trumpet that sometimes sounds in the background. The sounds that this trumpet makes also have their symbolism since they are confused and sound muffled. The sounds of the trumpet can represent what the patient feels, he is afraid, he is confused.
The album cover for Stage 3.
Stage 4: Fear and uncertainty
The fourth disk is called “Stage 4”. Its description says that this state is where the loss of the ability to remember anything occurs and gives way to confusion and terror. It is a state where the patient has completely lost his memory and feels confused and frightened. The songs on this album are unrecognizable, they are a conglomeration of strange noises and distortions. The names of the songs sound like names of symptoms and illnesses and the first two and last songs have the same name. The cover of this album looks like a face in profile but is very distorted and blurred. The face is looking down, with a sad expression. This face could represent someone close to the patient who, unfortunately, is already unrecognizable to him. This album cover also reminds me of the Girl With a Pearl Earring from Dutch painter, Vermeer. But this time, the girl is not looking at the spectator, instead she is looking down, like she doesn’t recognize the spectator or she is sad that we don’t know who she is anymore.
The album begins with the song “Post Awareness Confusions”. This title refers to the stage of confusion and terror that the patient experiences just after losing his memory and ability to remember. The melody of this song is unrecognizable. Instead, what is heard now is an annoying and loud white noise accompanied by distorted noises and what seems to be a siren or a blurred trumpet that sounds occasionally. Also, if you listen carefully, you can hear distant car and road noises. This song gives you a feeling of fear and anxiety, representing what the patient feels, he feels lost, scared. For me, what this song represents is when the patient is transported to a nursing home. I have drawn this conclusion from the distant noises similar to motorcars and the siren that sounds occasionally, all of which could represent that he is inside an ambulance, going to the residence.
The last song on the album has the same name as the first. The melody of this song, strangely enough, is vaguely recognizable, representing a moment of calm, perhaps when the patient has been settled into the nursing home room.
The album cover for Stage 4.
Stage 5: The storm before the calm
The fifth album is called “Stage 5”. This album represents the most extreme moments of the disease. The patient has almost forgotten everything and is in his last moments. The songs on this album are even more shattered, there is no longer any recognizable structure. On the cover of this album appears what looks like a human figure in a dress climbing some deteriorated and incomplete stairs. It is difficult to distinguish the human figure since it has almost no colors and is seen very vaguely.
The first song on the album, called “Advanced Plaque Entanglements,” begins with a large set of strident and out-of-place noises, sounding chaotic and in any way. The song continues like this until, suddenly, at minute 3 and 56 seconds into the song, it can be heard well and practically without distortion. This moment lasts 28 and a half seconds and then returns to total chaos. But, at minute 5 and 57 seconds, another moment of the same duration occurs. These moments symbolize fleeting moments of lucidity. The title of the song refers to Senile Plaques, formations of molecules made of amino acids called peptides. Senile Plaques form around neurons, causing them to stop functioning properly and, consequently, to shut down.
I want to point out something that happens in the second song. In this song, which has the same name as the first, at around minute 18 and 25, the music turns off and only a soft, monotonous white noise is heard. This represents complete brain death, an event in which the patient’s brain is so damaged and devastated that it stops functioning completely.
The last song is called “Sudden Time Regression Into Isolation”. This title represents the patient’s last moments as a countdown to total isolation. There is no song, only a white noise that macabrely indicates that the patient is practically no longer here with us. Everything is calm and monotonous, absolutely nothing happens.
The album cover for Stage 5.
Stage 6: The end of everything
The sixth and final album is called “Stage 6”. This album is the only one out of the six that doesn’t possess a description. This album represents the last moments of the patient’s life before dying. Moments in which the patient no longer reacts to anything and is in a vegetative state. His brain has stopped functioning completely and is just waiting for everything to turn off, for death to take him away and free him from the desolate prison of oblivion and dementia. The album cover is no longer a painting or an illustration, now it is just the back of an empty painting, without anything. This symbolizes that the patient’s life is left behind, with no turning point.
The first song on the album is called “A Confusion So Thick You Forget Forgetting”. This title carries a lot of meaning. It wants to let us know that the patient’s confusion and memory loss were so big that he even forgot to forget. This song is just a distant noise, nothing else is heard. This song represents how the patient is now in a vegetative state and how his mind and consciousness have gone. Only leaving behind an empty body, with nothing inside.
The last song on the album for me is undoubtedly one of the most weighty and symbolic songs of the entire project. The song is called “Place In The World Fades Away”. This title means that the disease has been so devastating that, when the patient dies, their place in the world and their reason for existing have completely disappeared. This song begins with a white noise so distant that it is difficult to even hear it. In the last 15 minutes of the song, an organ begins to sound. These last minutes represent terminal lucidity, moments of sudden and unexpected recovery in which people who are about to die, strangely, feel well and, in rare cases, asymptomatic. This reference is even more present in the last five minutes of the song. A choir of white voices sampled after Johann Sebastian Bach’s Laßt mich ihn nur noch einmal küssen, “Just let me kiss him one more time”. The patient experiences these moments of lucidity, feels well, and can remember some things! Until, when the final minute arrives, nothing else is heard. There is only silence. A devastating minute of silence is the last thing we find on the album, marking the patient’s death.
The album cover for Stage 6.
My personal experience and conclusion
Listening to Everywhere At The End Of Time feels like losing yourself in a void of fading memories and isolation. As the project progresses you get deeper and deeper into the void, with no turning back. This project perfectly reflects what a dementia patient feels and lives, and how his mind is slowly degrading and disappearing. The melodies that sounded vivid and familiar slowly turn into a terrifying amalgamation of strange sounds, cracks and distortions. The melodies become more depressing and uncomfortable to hear until suddenly, everything fades into nothingness. This project has really impacted me, the old familiar music of the first three albums gave me a sense of nostalgia. But, at the same time, also a feeling of dread and sadness and they progressively become more and more distorted. It got to a point where I even was about to cry since the music made me remind of my grandparents. In general, I think that the project is really well made and is crafted in a way that really connects with the listener, which is also a very important thing in music.
